I've had the blues, the reds and the pinks.

It’s been 10 days. Weird, but true. Since then I turned down a job, got another job offer, applied for another job, got a job as a substitute teacher for rainy days, am going crazy thinking about grad school, bought a sofa and feel pretty much the same.

I thought that as soon as RUF told me it was over and that weight of fundraising was off of my shoulders I would be right back to a “normal” life. It’s not so simple. Now I have just picked up another weight; what am I doing? I usually laugh around every hour when I realize what I have been doing for that hour, or that day. So about the jobs, there are none I want and if there are guess what I am not “qualified” to them. Apparently in the four years I was in college they changed their minds on what qualifications means. Now it means you have to 5 years or more of experience doing exactly what the job you are applying for is. I’m sorry I am confused as to why anyone is applying to your open position that already has a job for a steady 5 years doing this SAME thing. Anyways it’s weird. You need experience, I get it.

So the jobs I want I can’t have and the jobs I get offered are stinky pay with no benefits. Needless to say I am still holding out but I will know in a week what the official deal is. In the mean time I am driving myself crazy thinking about graduate school. I always told myself that I wanted to either go to grad school or seminary and get a masters in counseling. And by always I mean in July I decided this. While yes the pregnancy center has been extremely good to me in spurring on my heart for counseling women, I find myself wanting to study it so badly. I find it all extremely interesting and to have a masters in a field where I can really see myself permanently is really exciting. I’ve also found out you can do numerous things with said degree and it interests me even more.

But here are my negatives. I don’t want to just do it cause its easy (even though it definitely won’t be). I don’t want to jump into fast either (although the application is due October 1^st). Money (ahhhhh what a scary thing, yet I think I can pay for it with me working).

Here I am left thinking still. But enjoying tremendously the grace of God and his provision in even the hard realities of life.