I am definitely not one for words these days but I will attempt summarizing what is going through my thoughts as of now. As most you know by now I am no longer continuing with raising support because as of yesterday I am not an employee with RUF. I was around 20% short of a deadline I was suppose to meet on Monday. And it wasn’t an impromptu good-bye it was well thought out by the staff in Atlanta. Personally I wasn’t seeing how the rest of the finances would come about either. That’s not to say that I couldn’t have faith in God and his provision (as he has seemingly provided ever penny of the 50% I did get), there just comes a bit of concern when you are still in need of $15,000 and not sure that there is another person you know to ask.
This summer has been extremely hard, but worth every tear and laugh. It wasn’t really until two weeks ago that I begun to think “Oh no! This might not happen? What the hang!” And through those two weeks I learned more about my sin than the whole summer really. I learned about how eager I am to be independent apart from anything and everyone. How easily I am moved to immaturity when my “dreams” are threatened. That I have a lot of emotions that I have kept hidden away for a long time because of a wrong imagine of them being a weakness.
So when I got the dreaded email about this Monday being “the Monday” all those emotions came pouring out, I think it was best that I was by myself because frankly I would have put someone like me in the mental institution after that fit. But then I breathed and realized…… I am alive:) I am alive and my soul is well. I am alive in Christ. Yes tomorrow is going to be very confusing. Yes I love RUF and wanted so badly to be apart of what they are doing in the kingdom of Christ. Yes I thought Western was a perfect fit for me and that Dave was an amazing campus minister, one whom I would have gotten along well with. Yes I was following everything my heart wanted and now it can’t have it. But I am filled with a rest and peace that is only found in Christ Jesus.
Its funny when “dramatic” things happen say you thought you were doing one thing one day and the next have no clue what to do people start chiming in. Not to say it’s a bad thing at all, I personally think its great cause it shows people’s character and what they may have been through. Anyways I have had variety of response.
“Don’t worry God has something better.” – I personally don’t like this one. As a human my thinking is one track and one dimensional, I clearly don’t see anything better or I wouldn’t be so upset!
And then it just ends so there you go......
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